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From the Vault: Craig Cignarelli Master Tennis Coach And Speaker Shares His Tennis Definitions

Photo by Alejandro Gonzalez for 10sBalls

 

 

Backhandsome (def) those beautiful one-handers. (See Justine Henin
and Stan Wawrinka)
Ballchemy(def) what top players perform
Ball-buoy(def) the kid who just sits there spinning his head around instead of getting the damn ball
Brache back(def) the pain your opponent feels in his/her spine when you do it
Callternate (def) when doubles partners see a line call differently
Challinjury (def) when you get so mad at a line call, you smack a ball into an umpire’s face (see Shapovalov)
Clampener(def) what every dampener should have so they don’t pop out of your racquet
Code violashun(def) when the powers that be keep failed drug tests quiet
Counterplungher (def) no matter how much crap you give them, it always comes back
Crapproach shot(def) one that whizzes by you as you come to the net
Crosscortisone(def) the cure for painful down the line misses
Cyclopsided(def) when it seems every line call goes against you
Davis Cupboard(def) where winning countries store their trophies Also see: Fed Cupboard
Defaultercation(def) when players and umpires go the distance over a call
Dirtballure(def) the beauty of claycourt tennis
Double faltarpiece(def) for the person who screams “ Goddammit” after missing a second serve
Drip volley(def) one which just barely spills over the net
Follow throughps(def) accidentally letting go of the racquet after a big forehand
Foot faultruism(def) letting someone get away with foot faults
Forehand-crafted (def) what a coach consider’s a pupils strokes
Funderspin(def) what kids think the first time they hit a slice
Gaimless(def) a player who has no structure or organization in their game
Game pointment (def) the cure for being unable to close out games
Gawk-Eye(def) the look players make when they can’t believe when Hawk-Eye shows a disadvantageous line call Also see: Squawk-Eye (def) the
argument afterwards
Grand slamputee(def) when you have a championship within your grasp and you lose feeling in your limbs
Grindingdong(def) a player that is always there to answer the bell
Grommetaphor (def) the theory that holes in one’s racquet are ultimately responsible for holes in one’s game
Groundietermination(def) the source of all good grinders
Groundstreke(def) when a player’s shortcomings are exposed on the court
Gumpire(def) the look the umpire gives that says “if you challenge, you never know what you’re gonna get”
Hadvantage(def) the score right before you screwed up and went back to deuce
Hall of Famendment (def) the belief that the Hall is a living, breathing  and evolving entity
I-Floormation(def) when the server’s partner ducks way too low
IPINheads(def) people who constantly check rankings
Letiquette(def) the belief that one should not take a let serve and hit the opposing doubles player  Synonym: Netiquette (def) taking that floater and
quashing your desire to tag the net person
Lobfuscated (def) a ball which disappears into the roof or ceiling lights
Overheadhunter(def) one who targets an opponent with a smash
Poachaching(def) getting a reward for crossing
Qualifrying(def) getting smoked in the early rounds
Qualifiered (def) a player who drops the coach after not reaching the main draw
Qualifyinandyang(def) for those who might or might not make the main draw
Pasqualies(def) the qualifying rounds in Italy
Rackit (def) what you do to reserve a court in Central Park
Resiever(def) the player who lets every serve go by without returning it
Refereef(def) the person who redirects arguments into larger ones
Retiremental (def) a player who quits from a head sprain
Retrievertical(def) a moonballer
Round Robindy(def) how Indian players know which partner to play with
Seedingdong(def) when a top player gets his/her bell rung by someone knocking at the upper echelon’s door
Service brache (def) the pain of losing serve at 5-5
Service liene(def) what we call a serve that touches the line and is called out
Shutupset (def) what most players are after a loss
Sirvice(def) a polite serve
Soupertiebreak(def) the choice between going to lunch or going for the win
Splatellites(def) where you land as a pro player who can’t make the tour
Split shlep(def) when the split step appears to be too difficult a maneuver
Straight setback (def) losing easily to a weaker player
Sunforced error(def) the belief that the helios caused you to miss that overhead
Sweetspotify(def) the theory that hitting the ball can be like music to your ears
Swerve (def) a slice serve
Tennis ballegory (def) the belief that this sport contains many hidden lessons
Tennis elbowels (def) when your arm hurts like %hit.
Tiebrache(def) the pain of losing a close battle
Tossification(def) the insane and yet common belief that “my arm bones are causing my toss to go awry”
Tweiner (def) what male players are terrified of
Umpirony (def) when a friend phones during a match and the chair has to miss the call
Unforced erroar (def) the sound one makes after a bad miss
Wild carduous(def) the journey of asking certain Federations for help into a tournament
Winnerf(def) to end a point with soft touch
WT&A (def) what women’s tennis has finally overcome

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